


So Imperfectly (What You Should Be)

by chatielee, crackpairingprincess



Series: Rarepair Gang Au [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Gangsters, Anal Sex, Anxiety Attacks, Blow Jobs, Coming In Pants, Facials, Frottage, Gang Leader Bokuto, Getting Together, Hacker Kenma, M/M, Past Drug Addiction, Past Sexual Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-29
Updated: 2017-01-29
Packaged: 2018-09-20 15:27:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9498311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chatielee/pseuds/chatielee, https://archiveofourown.org/users/crackpairingprincess/pseuds/crackpairingprincess
Summary: "Where are you going?" Kenma mumbles, "Are you going to drink until you can't feel anymore?"Bokuto barely hears him but freezes when he processes his words. He whips back around at a speed that's a bit shocking to Kenma. When he speaks, his voice is icy, just an ominous shadow of the ruthless gang leader he truly is."You know, it's better than feeling like shit. I'm not sure if you would know, though."





	

**Author's Note:**

> This started as an rp between [Katie](http://chatie-lee.tumblr.com/) and I. As usual, our rp got out of hand and this happened. This will be the first installment of a series. So. Yeah. 
> 
> Special thanks to [Mari](http://fantasmical-fantasy.tumblr.com/) for reading through this mess.
> 
> ***As always, please heed the tags***

Kenma walks into the Fukurodani base late on Thursday afternoon, Akaashi walking primly two steps ahead of him. 

"Bokuto-san is waiting for you in his office. I trust you are aware of our rules and expectations, Kozume-san."

Kenma answers with a quiet "yes" as Akaashi leads him to the office door. Kenma thanks him quietly before Akaashi turns back and walks down the hall, steps as equally measured as always.

 

Kenma doesn't bother knocking and pushes the door open,

"Koutarou, what was so important that couldn't wait until Kuroo gets back?"

Bokuto looks up from his desk and smiles brightly up at his guest. He gets up and wraps one of his arms around Kenma's shoulders and leads him to one of the overstuffed chairs on the opposite side of his desk.

"What? I can't check in on my favorite hacker?" Kenma gives him a dry look and shoves his arm away and curls up on the couch. 

"I put on pants for this."

Bokuto's smile falters a little bit but it comes right back with full force. The gang leader sits on the couch next to Kenma's feet. "Okay, okay, so I may need some help from my favorite hacker."

Kenma gives him a weary look, but knows Kuroo would kill him if he turned down a request from their ally. "Sure."

"Great!" Bokuto shouts and clasps his hands on Kenma's thighs. "Okay so it might be more than some help, but I promise you'll get paid."

Kenma sighs loudly but doesn't push Bokuto away this time. 

"I'm going to need my laptop." 

Bokuto takes one of his hands off of Kenma and scratches the back of his head sheepishly, "That would probably be best. Thank you."

Kenma moves to get up. "I'll be back tomorrow night. You're buying us dinner."

Bokuto shoots up with him and looks like he's about to give Kenma a hug before he remembers about the other man’s dislike of touching. He settles for a pat on the shoulder, 

"Thank you again." he offers a genuine smile. Kenma can't help but feel a little flutter of happiness.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Koutarou"

"I look forward to it. Akaashi will walk you out." Kenma nods as Bokuto swings the door open and Akaashi appears seemingly from nowhere.

"Kozume-san, if you'll follow me."

Kenma gives another glance back to Bokuto before walking out and following Akaashi out of the Fukurodani base. He calls Kuroo later, and his suspicions are confirmed that he has to do this or face the horrible consequence of dealing with Kuroo Disappointed Mom Tetsurou.

 

The Nekoma leader wishes him luck and thanks him for doing this, and Kenma quietly accepts. The hacker flops down on his bed and pulls out his PSP to distract himself from the fact that he just signed up for something without asking any questions about it. The next night comes sooner than Kenma would have liked, considering he was up most of the night playing his games, but Bokuto is standing outside of the too-fancy restaurant and Kenma is beginning to wonder if his jeans and sports jacket are too casual for this setting. 

When Bokuto spots him his entire face lights up and he starts waving his arms over his head, which causes many strangers to look over. Kenma puts his hand over his face to hide his blush as he walks over.

"Koutarou, stop. We're in public."

"Ahh, sorry. I'm just excited. I really wanted to try this place out, I hope you like it."

 

Kenma hums noncommittally and lets Bokuto lead them inside. Bokuto pulls out his chair for him with a flourish. Kenma just rolls his eyes. They are handed menus and Kenma looks at his for longer than necessary, but he can mostly hear Bokuto tapping his fingers against the table. He looks over the top of the menu to see Bokuto looking at him, 

"What is it?"

"Your roots are growing out again." It's random and takes Kenma by surprise. He gives a small jump before his hand automatically touches his hair. He can't really think of anything to say, so he answers with a simple, "yeah" and the tips of his ears go slightly red.

Bokuto grins and switches topics before Kenma can even blink, "I heard that they have the best mixed drinks here. Do you drink kenma?"

Kenma can't help but get caught up in the other man's energy. He's still quiet but he's leaning closer to the table, closer to Bokuto. 

"Sure. What would you recommend?"

Bokuto looks excited and starts pointing at things in the menu. "This looks really good! I don't really know what it is, but it's called sex on my face and it's colorful and looks super fruity!"

Kenma's eyes go wide and his blush grows a bit more at the drink title but he just nods anyway, trusting Bokuto's judgment for some reason. The waiter comes back and Bokuto orders drinks for the both of them and they order their food. Bokuto keeps talking about everything and anything, keeping Kenma well entertained until their food arrives with their orange-pink drinks.

As they start to eat, Bokuto is watching Kenma as he takes his first bites, wanting to know his reaction. Kenma doesn't notice and smiles at the food and Bokuto shines at him. Kenma can't look at Bokuto. Something about his smile makes him squirm in his seat and feel unreasonably warm. Bokuto notices Kenma's discomfort and his smile falters a bit. 

"Do you not like it?"

"You're staring.."

"Oh." Bokuto offers a small laugh, "I'm sorry. I just wanted to see your reaction. I'll stop, if it makes you uncomfortable." He smiles and looks down to start eating his meal without waiting for an answer.

"Oh." Kenma says, just to fill the silence. He hates how awkward he makes everything. He wishes Kuroo were there to talk about something, or to poke Kenma in the side so he lightens up.

Bokuto looks up enough to gauge Kenma's expression, "You do like it though, right?"

"It's very good." Kenma gives him a little smile and Bokuto feels his heartbeat speed up. He drains his drink in one go, instantly regretting it. The hacker just raises an eyebrow as the older coughs. Eventually, Kenma gets concerned so he offers Bokuto his water without much thought and the other takes it gratefully. It's not until Bokuto puts the glass down that kenma realized what he did.

Kenma hides his face behind his hair. He changes the subject to work; something he's not likely to be embarrassed by. 

"Keiji sent me the synopsis of the task you would like me to complete. Would it be correct to assume that you want a total cleanse of your personal computer as well as a secure backup file?"

Bokuto gets a serious posture at the new topic. The change kind of strikes Kenma; he's never really seen Bokuto like this, all straight faced and all business. He nods at Kenma, "If you could do that, it would be very helpful."

Kenma studies him carefully, "You're aware that this means I will have unadulterated access to all of your personal files, search histories, and photos?"

Bokuto looks him straight in the eyes, leveling him with just that one look. "Are you going to give me a reason not to trust you?"

"Just making sure we're clear."

"I appreciate that, but I wouldn't have asked for you to do this without knowing all that it involved."

Kenma nods, and wonders what kind of shit Bokuto has gotten himself into. He supposes he'll find out sooner or later, goes back to sipping his too fruity drink and eating his too fancy (admittedly delicious) food. 

"When should I come pick up your computer?"

"The sooner the better, probably." Bokuto shrugs his shoulders at the next statement, "I could take you back after we eat, and you can take it. Or you could work on it at my place."

Kenma gives him a rare playful smile, "Do I have to wear pants there?"

Bokuto gives a genuine one back and the look takes up his whole face. "Not necessarily."

Kenma looks up at Bokuto and laughs, the sound gentle and warm. "Sure. I'm sure Yaku will know what to pack for me."

Bokuto laughs and smiles mischievously. "I bet you only wear cat pajamas and band t-shirts."

Kenma blushes a bit because he’s actually not that far from the truth. He glances away to hide his pout. "Not all the time."

Bokuto's laugh is loud enough to garner the attention of the other patrons. He notices and has the good grace to blush. "What do you say we take our dessert to go?"

Kenma looks around and nods at him, he's never been good at being the center of attention. "That sounds good."

Bokuto flags down a waiter and orders them something that Kenma is pretty sure involves a monumental amount of chocolate sauce before settling the check. The bill makes Kenma wince, but the gang leader doesn't bat an eye. They get their food in a box and Bokuto leads them to the parking lot, straight to his obscenely yellow sports car.

Kenma slows down once he sees it and he looks across to Bokuto, "Koutarou, what is that?"

Bokuto grins and slides onto the hood, posing like an american car model. "This is my ride. I call her Marsha."

Kenma puts his hand up to his mouth to hide his smile while he laughs, and Bokuto is more than a little starstruck when Kenma walks up to the car and playfully says, "Hello Marsha, your owner is an idiot."

"Gah! Kenmaaa!" Bokuto whines, but he cracks a smile right after and hops off the car. He opens the passenger door with a flourish, "Your chariot awaits!"

Kenma blushes at the cheesy bit and tries to hide behind his hair again, but Bokuto notices and his grin only grows. Once Kenma is seated, he skips across to the driver's seat and gets in.

The hacker finds that despite his reckless behavior, Bokuto is actually a really good driver. Unlike Kuroo, who drives like he's on fire. They take some unfamiliar turns until they pull into the driveway of an ornate home. Kenma gives a confused look to his companion, who laughs. 

"This is my place. What, you didn't think I lived at the base, did you?"

"Most leaders do," is all Kenma says as he gets out of the car and looks at the house in awe.  
Bokuto throws open the door to his place and they find Akaashi sipping tea in the kitchen, a duffle bag Kenma recognizes as his own sitting on the floor next to him. Akaashi greets them in a bored tone. 

"Welcome home Bokuto-san, Kozume-san.”

 

Bokuto greets him loudly and clasps his hand on his shoulder, "Hey Akaashi! Thanks for your help."

Akaashi looks like he hasn't slept in days, and like he just wants to go home. He straightens the cuffs of his suit. "I'll be going. Call if you need something." He looks at Bokuto tiredly, "Please don't need me."

Kenma gives him an apologetic look and thanks him before the other leaves. He looks up at Bokuto who, for some reason, looks a bit more down than usual. 

"Should I start now?"

 

Bokuto shrugs and pulls off his tie, throwing it carelessly to the floor. He slowly makes his way to the full bar next to the fireplace and pours himself a good amount of scotch. He downs the whole thing.

Kenma’s sharp gold eyes stare at Bokuto in confusion, not really understanding his change in mood. He heard from Kuroo that the Fukurodani leader has his ups and downs, but he never really thought about what that meant. He's not quite sure what to do so he goes and picks up his bag. 

"Where should I stay?"

Bokuto doesn't make eye contact and just waves for Kenma to follow him up the stairs. There are multiple doors, all closed, lining the second floor. Bokuto motions to them, saying, "Take your pick."

He picks the first room primarily because it's the closest and goes inside just long enough to put his bag on the bed. He goes back out to thank Bokuto, but finds the older man already walking back down the stairs.

Kenma just watches him go, unsure of what to do about it. He decides it's none of his business and pulls his things from his bag. He was right, Yaku knew what to pack. He unpacks what he has and changes into his pajamas when he hears Bokuto loudly coming up the stairs again. When he peeks out the door he sees him go into the last door on the left and slam the door behind him.

Kenma decides to text Kuroo, hoping he isn't too caught up in his mess of a love life to give him some advice. 

**To: Kuro 21:47  
Koutarou is being weird.**

The text back is almost immediate.

**From: Kuro 21:48  
weird how?**

**To: Kuro 21:50  
Keiji just left and Koutarou just got really quiet. It feels wrong.**

**From: Kuro 21:51  
oh he must be in one of his down moods. how much alcohol has he had?**

**To: Kuro 21:51  
A drink at dinner and at least one more since we got back. Does he do this often?**

**From: Kuro 21:52  
he tries to hide it. the alcohol usually only comes in once he's alone or if akaashi isn't there.**

**To: Kuro 21:53  
What do I do?**

**From: Kuro 21:55  
you can try talking to him. throw in some compliments.**

Kenma groans because _ugh, talking_ , but somehow the idea of Bokuto being sad and alone downstairs doesn't sit right with him, so he shuffles down the steps and looks around the banister to find Bokuto sitting on the couch watching tv, another drink in his hands. The sight makes his stomach twist with unease and he actually starts to feel concerned.

He quietly sits next to Bokuto. The room is dark and the blue light of the tv makes Bokuto look his age. Kenma sometimes forgets that Bokuto is a 26 year old gang boss and not a 15 year old boy. Bokuto's eyes slide over to Kenma, but then right back down to his drink. 

"Did you need somethin', Kenma?"

Kenma brings his legs up to his chest and rests his chin on his knees. "No, I just thought I would join you."

Bokuto makes a noise in the back of his throat and stands up to refill his glass. His steps are a bit unsteady and Kenma feels a knot in his chest. He's never been good in these situations, but he knows what it's like to be the one on the other end. So, he decides to do what Kuroo does for him and waits for Bokuto to sit back down before he crawls over and starts petting Bokuto's hair. The older male stiffens, but lets Kenma keep petting him. 

"What are you doing?" He asks Kenma, softly, like he might break something if he speaks too loud.

 

Kenma is glad the room is dark because he's blushing up to his ears. He drags his fingers through the gelled up spikes of Bokuto's hair, messing it all up in the process. 

"You're sad.” He answers simply.

Bokuto looks down and sighs, "More like pathetic."

"Want to talk about it?" Kenma asks as Bokuto takes another gulp of his scotch. It's what Kuroo would say, so he tries not to feel self conscious about the words. 

"You shouldn't have to take care of my problems." Bokuto looks over and sees Kenma's concern, adds on, "Thank you, though."

Bokuto finishes his drink and brushes Kenma's hand away. His eyes are beginning to look glazed over, and he's making his way to the stairs. 

"I'll give you my laptop in the morning. 'm tired." He slurs with a little twitch to his lips.

Kenma gets off the couch and grabs Bokuto's hand before he can get very far. He pushes back another wave of self consciousness and says, "You're not pathetic. You're a great leader and your men trust you. Please don't sell yourself short."

Bokuto pauses for just a moment before wrapping Kenma in his arms, shoving the hacker's face into his chest. "Thanks, Kenma."

It takes Kenma a moment to realize what just happened, but he returns the hug slowly and lets Bokuto hold him. "I'm just telling you the truth."

"You're th' best." Bokuto eventually lets Kenma breathe and takes a step back. "I'm tir’d. Gonna sleep now."

Kenma is still concerned, but he follows Bokuto up to his room and makes sure he actually gets in bed. Before he returns to his room, he goes back downstairs and gets a glass of water and sets it next to Bokuto's bed for the morning. The empty bottles of bourbon by the nightstand make Kenma feel sick.

Bokuto is out like a light, so Kenma settles into the guest room, exhausted from the night out. 

He wakes up around noon the next day, somehow unsurprised to find Bokuto awake and smiling over a stack of pancakes. The younger man is rubbing his eyes when he joins Bokuto, and the gang leader has to control himself because he's not sure if Kenma can get cuter. He looks like a sleepy kitten.

Kenma asks, "How are you feeling?"

Bokuto tilts his head as if he doesn't know the context of the question, answers around a mouthful of pancakes, " Mm googh. How fif oo sleep?"

"Well. Thank you." Kenma isn't really sure how he understood that, but doesn't think much of it. He walks over to the kitchen and sees more pancakes so he grabs a couple for himself and joins Bokuto at the table.

Bokuto makes small talk with Kenma, mostly with his mouth full. Despite the childish manners, Kenma admits to himself that it's kind of nice to have breakfast with someone other than Lev, who won't leave Kenma alone, or Kuroo, who insists that chocolate bars don't count as breakfast. Bokuto even makes Kenma laugh a few times. When they finish up, Kenma offers to help do the dishes, but Bokuto blows him off. 

"Don't worry about it. Akaashi comes around twice a week to do the housework."

The notion throws off Kenma a bit, but he accepts it. It's not really his business. Though now, he doesn't know what to do or where to go, feeling too out of place in the house. He twists his hair around a finger in an anxious gesture. 

"So when did you want me to start?"

Bokuto looks at him, confused, before he lets out a loud, "Oh!" and adds on quieter, considering he made Kenma jump, "Whenever you're ready to."

"The sooner I get started, the better." Kenma stands and Bokuto becomes acutely aware that Kenma is not wearing pants. Just an oversized love live t-shirt. Bokuto's face gets very red very fast and he has to turn away before Kenma can catch on. 

"Umm. Let me show you my computer."

Kenma shrugs and follows the other into the living room, where Bokuto's laptop is open on the couch. Kenma sits down in front of it and Bokuto's blush gets worse when Kenma's shirt rides up some to reveal more of his thighs. Kenma looks up at him, about to ask him for his password before he stops, confused.

"Koutarou, what's your- are...you okay?"

Bokuto just laughs, trying to distract Kenma, but the faux blond can tell it's a bit forced, "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." He scratches the back of his head and turns a bit away from Kenma awkwardly. "What was your question again?"

 

Kenma shakes his head and takes a crack at the password, getting access in a few seconds. 

"Nevermind." Kenma quirks an eyebrow at his screensaver. "Why is your background a picture of Kuroo's butt?"

Bokuto actually gives a genuine laugh at that. "Because it's marvelous,” and at the judging stare that Kenma gives, laughs again, "I'm kidding, kind of. It's just a joke between us."

"Why are you two so gay..." Kenma mutters.

 

Bokuto laughs again and pats Kenma on the head before he goes upstairs to his room to get ready for the day.

Kenma rolls his eyes and sets about backing up files, meticulously checking for tracking viruses and encrypted files that shouldn't be there. He's several hours into his task when he finds a locked folder needing another password. _Easier to just ask rather than waste effort cracking it._

“Koutarou." By that point, Bokuto was back downstairs with him, sitting on the couch. The tv was on but Bokuto was paying more attention to the game he was playing on his phone. 

He looks over at Kenma, "Yeah?"

Kenma shows him the file, ignores how Bokuto stiffens. "I need the password"

Bokuto considers for a second to try to get Kenma to ignore the folder but he agreed to this. He knew that he would go through everything. He gets distracted by his phone making a noise when he dies in game. Kenma is still staring at him, waiting. There's a flicker of something behind his eyes that tells Bokuto the other knows something’s up. He figures Kenma will find out one way or another. 

"211920." He mutters.

The folder doesn't have a title so when Kenma starts going through it he notices there are pictures and documents with information about him and his work in Nekoma. Personal information. Kenma looks up at Bokuto in question, panic simmering on the edges of his nerves. 

"Why do you have this?"

Bokuto busies himself with his phone. "Just gang stuff. Keep your friends close, ya know?" 

He laughs a little too loudly and Kenma half closes the laptop and moves to kick Bokuto in his side to get the taller man to look at him. "Why am I the only one, then? I haven't found a folder for anyone else."

"That's not true! Kuroo has one!" Bokuto protests. Kenma kicks him again.

"Pictures of you and Kuroo doing things together doesn't count."

Bokuto sighs. "Okay, okay. You got me. You...were of special interest."

Kenma's feet stay on Bokuto's side. He looks back down to his hands, whispering, "Special interest?"

"Yeah." Bokuto absentmindedly starts massaging Kenma's shin, "Before I knew Kuroo, I found out about you. What you do. I wanted you to come to Fukurodani. I had Akaashi collect info on you. When I met Kuroo, and finally you, I knew it was pointless to get you to switch sides." 

Kenma's eyebrows furrow and his eyes are sharp.

"But these pictures. Some of this work...it's recent." Kenma watches Bokuto's hand move back and forth. The unease was fading, but it was still pricking like needles at his skin. “Why is it recent, Koutarou? You know me. Why keep this up?"

"I was trying to see...to catch you..." Bokuto took a big breath, "with Kuroo."

"You thought that I was with Kuro? _With_ Kuro?" For some reason that makes Kenma really uncomfortable. He brings his legs back, just out of Bokuto's reach.

"I had to be sure." Bokuto looks a little dejected from Kenma's withdraw, but he understands. He knew exactly how creepy and invasive this seemed.

Kenma's about to ask why. Why he needed to be sure that Kuroo was nothing more than he seemed. Why Kenma was on his own. But he puts the pieces together. 

He starts to blush at the thought, he never would have considered Bokuto having a romantic interest in him. He swallows and asks anyway. There's nothing to lose but his pride, not that he has much of that left anyway.

"Why do you have to be sure?"

"I didn't want to chase after someone I couldn't have.”

Kenma puts his legs back down and rubs his feet against Bokuto's thighs. Bokuto's not quite sure if he's allowed to touch him again. Kenma isn't looking him in the eyes, but the blush on his cheeks gives the other some courage. He reaches out, places his hand on Kenma's knee. 

"Sorry I couldn't just ask like a normal person."

Kenma looks up shyly, "Well, it’s not like I gave you much opportunity."

Bokuto smiles softly in a rare display of quiet happiness. "Does that mean you would give me a chance to woo you?" 

He waggles his eyebrows. Kenma looks down, embarrassed, but it does smile a bit. 

"I would give you a chance."

Bokuto makes a startling loud noise and bounces in place. "I'll win your heart by this time next week, just wait!"

Kenma can't help but feel excited about Bokuto's energy and he lets out a chuckle. He can feel his face heat up more, even though he's trying to keep a neutral expression. 

"I'll be looking forward to it."

Bokuto nods to himself, tapping his fingers rhythmically over Kenma's knee. 

"I have to text Akaashi.” And all Kenma can get out is a, "Wait. What?" before the gang leader goes running out into another room. Kenma gets a bit worried that this is going to get out of hand, but for some reason that excites him.

He texts Kuroo.

**To: Kuro 13:05  
did you know about the pictures Koutarou had of me**

**From: Kuro 13:07  
no. well not technically. I thought he was doing something I was just never sure.**

**To: Kuro 13:08  
well it seems he has a romantic interest in me**

**From: Kuro 13:10  
oh ho ho, really? what was your reaction?**

**To: Kuro 13:10  
i was awkward and told him I'd give him a chance**

**From: Kuro 13:11  
I'm sure that made him excited. how long are you going to be there?**

**To: Kuro 13:13  
task will be about 2 days max. i want to go home after that**

**From: Kuro 13:14  
okay. we'll see about that.**

**To: Kuro 13:14  
what do you mean**

**From: Kuro 13:16  
I mean things can change in those two days. maybe you won't want to come home as fast.**

**To: Kuro 13:17  
i can't stay longer, i have a league raid on wednesday. my team is counting on me i'm the only mage**

**From: Kuro 13:18  
hah okay okay. keep me posted.**

Kenma doesn't respond, just resumes transferring files. He can hear Bokuto screaming about one thing or another from the other room. He's sure Akaashi is holding the phone a few inches away from his ear on the other end.

The Nekoma member pauses his work and considers what he just agreed to. He never thought that he could be with someone as energized as Bokuto. Even if he apparently had his down moments. He's wondering how often those are when Bokuto comes back into the room.

"Hey, I'm going to go get lunch. What do you want?"

"Oh. A sandwich would be fine. Thank you."

 

Bokuto flashes him a thumbs up and a grin before disappearing out the front door. He returns nearly half an hour later with two paper bags full of savory smelling foils. "I kinda forgot to ask what kind of sandwich you wanted so...I got one of each."

"Oh, Koutarou." Kenma gives a small laugh, at the thought of Bokuto blurting out their large order to a sandwich shop employee. "Thank you."

Bokuto grins again and plops down on the couch next to Kenma, sorting through sandwiches and various sides. 

"Getting stuff done?" He asks around a mouthful of turkey and avocado club. Kenma puts the laptop on the floor and takes one of the sandwiches at random and starts to eat it. Chicken parmesan. Not bad.

"Yeah. You have so much stuff on your computer."

"Mainly work files and porn." Bokuto says shamelessly. Kenma wishes he was lying.

"Yeah, I noticed." Kenma puts his feet at Bokuto's side, enjoying the warmth. "What were you planning in the other room?"

Bokuto snaps back to his business mode seamlessly. It still alarms Kenma that he can barely detect the switch. 

"Had to cull some of the crop," is all he says.

Kenma only nods and continues to eat his sandwich. Sometimes it's really easy to forget the Bokuto is the head of a powerful organization. He's so childish most of the time Kenma is around him, it's odd to see him serious.

Bokuto likes to pretend he isn't as ruthless as he is. It's easy to sit back and relax with Kenma, to pretend that this is just a domestic scene and that he isn't paying the other to extract potentially corrupted files from his computer. 

Kenma keeps watching Bokuto, trying to figure out his quirks and his switches. He does want to give Bokuto a chance, but how little he actually knows about how Bokuto operates scares him a bit.

When Bokuto leaves the room to take another call, Kenma cautiously opens a sealed file called _Termination_. He's not usually one to nose about someone else's things, but the nervous feeling in his gut urges him to open the subfolder entitled _Personnel_.

He's not quite sure of Bokuto's definition of termination and he's a little scared to find out. Once he actually opens up the personnel folder he realizes just how organized Bokuto and Fukurodani as a whole actually is.

He's alarmed by the amount of people listed as former members, and his heart rate picks up when he notes that the same number of former members are listed as deceased. 

"I know I gave you access to them, but it's probably best if you don't look into them." Bokuto is standing behind him, arms crossed and leaning against the door frame. He still has his business face on and Kenma nearly jumps out of his skin.

Kenma focuses his attention to the keyboard. His heart is still pounding. "I, I'm sorry."

"It's fine. Fukurodani and Nekoma are allies after all. It's just that you won't like what you find." Bokuto's voice drops in volume. "I don't want you to hate me."

Kenma immediately feels guilty. He turns around so he's facing Bokuto, but his head is down. "I don't hate you. I know that this isn't the most, um, morally sound job."

"How do you manage to keep your hands so clean?"

Kenma actually looks up at Bokuto. "Because I don't actually do anything. I sit behind a computer the entire time and Kuro lets me."

"Good." Bokuto says, uncrossing his arms and hopping the back of the couch to take his spot by Kenma. "It's safer that way. I knew I could trust Kuroo."

 

Bokuto is close enough that he takes Kenma's legs and lays them across his lap. He starts running his hands across Kenma's calves and knees, and it makes Kenma's breath hitch. 

"It's not like I'd be much help out there anyway."

 

"Probably true." Bokuto chirps, seemingly abandoning his gang persona for the moment. He ducks his head to make eye contact with Kenma, "You're too cute you would distract everyone."

Kenma's eyes go wide and he glows bright with a blush. He breaks eye contact and looks off to the side. "That's.. not really."

 

Bokuto tickles Kenma under the knee, earning a kick to the side, and sends him a teasing smile. 

"Nope. Definitely super cute."

Kenma tries to take back his legs, but Bokuto keeps a tight grip on them, moving closer to Kenma. As he's getting closer he lays a hand on one of Kenma's thighs. It makes Kenma blush more as he let's out a soft, "Stop it."

 

Bokuto immediately backs off, releasing Kenma's legs and sitting back. 

"Sorry." He says quickly. He knows he pushed it too far. Kenma doesn't like being touched much in the first place, but he couldn't help it. Kenma is honestly a little shocked that Bokuto stopped.

The younger man looks back down to the laptop. He's still quiet when he says, "It's okay. You don't need to apologize." 

Bokuto looks back at him and Kenma can't shake this new awkward atmosphere. The gang head goes back to playing games on his phone until it’s charge dies and he drops it to the cushion. 

Slowly, as if approaching a wild animal, Bokuto traces his fingers over Kenma's knee, watching carefully for a reaction. He can feel Kenma stiffen a bit but he doesn't move away. As Bokuto puts more pressure on, Kenma relaxes and glances up at Bokuto from the laptop. 

Kenma stares at him for a long moment before setting the laptop to the side and stretching. He's been sitting in the same spot for a few hours now, and even he needs to move once in awhile. He leans back into the couch and tosses his legs over Bokuto's lap, heels tapping the outside of the other’s thighs.

Bokuto smiles at the action until bo looks down and notices that Kenma's shirt rides up and he can see the edge of his boxers and he stares. He places his hands back on Kenma's legs and tries his best to keep them still.

 

Kenma notices the strange reaction, but can't link it to something he's done. It makes him nervous, but he's comfortable enough to stay still. In fact, he's comfortable enough to start drifting off.

 

The hacker leans back more and settles so he's basically laying down, his thighs now on Bokuto's lap. Bokuto tries not to think about the amount of skin shown and starts to rub his legs again.

 

He's definitely not thinking about the fact that Kenma is still not wearing pants. Nope. Not. At...all…

Whilst Bokuto is having his little moment, Kenma isn't paying attention. The feeling on his legs is making him relax even more and soon enough he's on the verge of falling asleep. Bokuto watches Kenma as his eyes slip shut. 

His hair is messy and laying at odd angles over his face and his mouth is parted just a bit. Bokuto desperately wishes his phone wasn't dead so he could get a picture of this. But alas, his phone sits blank on the seat next to him. Instead, he just keeps rubbing Kenma's legs and lamenting over how very, very fucked he is. 

He can't really do anything without moving, and he doesn't want to risk waking kenma up so he decides to follow suit and try to sleep. It actually doesn't take too long, even if he didn’t think he was tired. The couch is comfortable and Kenma's warmth is helping. Soon, he falls onto Kenma, his hands cupping Kenma’s hips, and his head lands on Kenma's chest.

When Kenma wakes up the room is dim and there's a weight on his chest. His first instinct is to panic and get away, but whatever it is is too heavy. He tries to push whatever it is off but when his hands hit something soft he stops. He looks down and sees Bokuto lying snugly against him. It makes Kenma freeze. 

Slowly, he starts carding his fingers through Bokuto's hair and smiles whenever the elder cuddles closer to him. The gel in Bokuto's hair makes his hand feel a little sticky, but he finds that he's unbothered by it. He wonders why Bokuto chose him. Certainly there were others more suiting to his standards.

He hasn't even spent much time with Bokuto, not one on one at least. He begins to wonder what kind of stories Kuroo had told about him. That would probably be Bokuto’s main source of information. He itches to ask kuroo, to know more. But the fear of being mocked by his friend keeps his hand away from his phone. Kenma tries to go back and do work on Bokuto's laptop, but he figures there’s no way he can get in a position to do so without waking Bokuto. And, for some reason, looking at how peaceful Bokuto looks, he can't bring himself to wake him up.

 

He decides to reach for his phone and opens up his blog. It's his little escape from everyday gang life. He makes a short post: 

_**What do you do when someone is pursuing you?** _

He actually has a considerable amount of followers, so he gets some responses fairly quickly. Most of them are jokes he can write off, but one response says: _**it depends on your interest. if you have any positive feelings about this person, maybe you should try.**_

He sends them a message:

_**Sent: How do I let him know I like him too?** _

__

_**Received: the simplest way is to just tell him. but if you are not ready for that, you could do nice things for him or show him that he is important to you.** _

Kenma considers it. He's not good at letting people know he likes them. Hell, half of Nekoma thinks he hates them simply because he doesn't speak to or smile at them. He types back a quick thank you and tells himself to remember to include his kind follower in his next follower appreciation post. He puts down his phone and looks back down at Bokuto.

He starts carding his fingers through Bokuto's hair again and tries to consider what Bokuto is to him. He knows that he's at least interested enough to give him a chance, and he honestly wants him to be happy. He just hopes that he's not just doing this for Bokuto's sake, but for his own too. 

He wonders what someone more outgoing would do in his situation. What would Shoyou do? He imagines Hinata screaming something like _I think you're really BwAhhH!_ and he laughs a bit. The shaking of his chest makes Bokuto open an eye.

Apparently, Bokuto isn’t exactly the most coherent person when he wakes up, so he wraps his arms around Kenma with a nonsense mumble and adjusts himself so he's a bit more on top, trying to get more comfortable.

Kenma can't help but find it endearing. He cards a hand through his hair again. "Koutarou,"  
Bokuto groans a bit and buries his face in Kenma's chest more. Kenma smiles when Bokuto starts to relax at his touch. "Koutarou, wake up. I have to pee."

Bokuto grumbles something Kenma can't make out so he pushes Bokuto's head back, which just seems to make the other wake up grumpy.

"Kenmaaaa," Bokuto whines. His voice is raspy from sleep and wow Kenma probably should not find that so attractive.

"Koutarou, I need to get up." Kenma keeps trying to push bo back, but Bokuto has a tight grip.

 

Bokuto makes a strange gurgling noise and rolls to the floor, pulling Kenma down with him. The hacker shouts as he falls and he lands on Bokuto's chest, their faces too close for comfort. But, of course, Bokuto is too tired to really notice. Kenma can feel himself blushing up to his ears. He should be uncomfortable with this proximity, he tells himself. He really should. But he's not moving and Bokuto's eyes are cracking open just the slightest bit. Large hands move to rest on Kenma's hips and he wakes up enough to notice that Kenma is on top of him, but all he does is smile up at him.

"Hi," Bokuto says, as if he hasn't just toppled them off the couch, "whatcha doin' up there?"

 

No matter how embarrassed Kenma is, he can’t pass up an opportunity to snark Bokuto. "You fell off the couch and decided to take me with you."

 

Bokuto laughs and Kenma can feel the rumble in his belly. "Saying I fell makes it sound unintentional."

Kenma glares down at Bokuto, "You were awake?"

 

"Maybe..." The owlish man sticks his tongue out childishly, but Kenma's glare doesn't let up.

"I still have to pee." He starts to get up and off of Bokuto.

Bokuto stretches spread eagle on the floor and watches Kenma's hips sway under the hem of the too-long shirt as he walks away. 

"I hate to see you go, but I love watching you leave." He mutters to himself, laughing at his own joke.

 

When Kenma comes back, he finds Bokuto is curled up on the couch, at least looking like he's trying to go back to sleep. Kenma doesn't say anything, just climbs back up on the couch, curling up on Bokuto's chest. The white haired man tenses for a second before he relaxes and wraps his arms around Kenma. He's not quite sure of what Kenma will allow him, but he's happy that Kenma has been more open to his touch than normal. He takes one of his hands and is lightly drawing patterns and circles on his back.

Kenma sighs contentedly. He thinks about the advice he got online, about how to show he cares. 

"Tell me something about yourself." He says, words muffled by Bokuto's shirt. 

Bokuto barely hears him but hums while he's thinking of an answer. He smiles down at Kenma even though he knows he won't be able to see him. 

"Contrary to popular belief I'm a sucker for romance movies. Also, I really enjoy listening to jazz music."

Kenma snorts a laugh into his shirt. "Romance movies? That explains why you're so cheesy."

Bokuto takes his hand and ruffles Kenma's hair, "Hey now, no making fun. They're really good. We could watch some if you want. I’ll educate you in the way of romance."

 

Kenma huffs and flattens his hair again. "There is a difference between cheesy cliches and actual romance."

"Oh ho ho, then what's your definition of romance?" Bokuto's hands come to rest on the small of Kenma's back.

"...Honmei choco..." Is his quiet reply. 

Bokuto smiles and hugs Kenma tighter, "You’re so cute. What's your favorite chocolate?"

 

"The ones with the cherries inside..." Kenma is blushing again, his cheek hot against Bokuto's chest.

"I'll keep that in mind." Bokuto starts running his hand up and down Kenma's back again. "Any more questions?"

Kenma debates for a minute but eventually asks, "Why me?"

Bokuto goes stiff briefly, but relaxes quickly. He takes a couple moments to think and consider his words. "I always admired your skills. Like I said before I wanted you to be part of Fukurodani. But while I was trying to find out more about you, I learned about your personality. I like your calmness, your sarcasm, your loyalty...and I want to learn more."

 

Kenma really wasn't expecting that. He twists his fingers into Bokuto's shirt and hides his face. 

"Oh."

"Um, that's only if you are okay with it." Bokuto quickly amends.

 

Kenma nods minutely. "I want to know more about you too."

Bokuto starts running his fingers through Kenma's hair and hums, content. "So, anymore questions?"

 

"Not really." He says, "You?"

"Can I kiss the top of your head? I've been wanting to since you came back to the couch."

 

Kenma's eyes shoot wide open. His voice comes out in a whisper, "O-okay."

 

Bokuto grins and cups Kenma's face. He leans down and kisses the crown of Kenma's head. After, he wraps his arms back around the hacker’s shoulders. "Thank you."

 

Kenma feels a little bit like he's going to combust. He can't remember he let someone other than Kuroo touch him this much, and that's just in a literal, platonic way. When Bokuto doesn't get a response from Kenma he starts to worry, 

"Are you okay?"

 

Another nod, but no verbal response. Kenma doesn't know what to say and it's honestly giving him anxiety just thinking about trying to handle these feelings. Bokuto smiles, happy that he's able to give Kenma this amount of affection. Eventually, Kenma sits up and pulls the laptop into his lap. He’s sitting between Bokuto's legs, transferring and inspecting files with rigorous focus. Bokuto sits up and places his chin on Kenma's head. 

"Do you want dinner?"

Kenma gives a noncommittal hum, his eyes still trained on the screen. He's typing at a rate too fast for Bokuto to even think of keeping up with. Bokuto pouts and blows a raspberry onto Kenma's neck before he could stop himself. Kenma flinches forwards and whips his head back to look at Bokuto. One of his hands flies up to cover his neck. 

"What are you doing?"

 

Bokuto realizes his offence immediately. "I'm sorry! Please don't be mad! I just, just, agh, please don't hate me i know i fucked up!"

Kenma's eyes go wide in shock. He didn't mean to be harsh, Bokuto just surprised him, no one has ever done that to him before. Kenma puts the laptop next to his feet and turns around to face Bokuto. 

"I'm not mad. You... you just surprised me."

 

Bokuto peeks up at him from his shoulder. "You sure?" 

Kenma giggles at him and it's the cutest fucking thing Bokuto has ever heard. Kenma blushes when he takes a hold of Bokuto's hand, his resolve in the fact he knows the older one needs the reassurance. "Yes, I'm sure." 

Bokuto is staring so Kenma tries to distract him, "So what's for dinner again?"

 

It works well enough, and Bokuto squeezes Kenma's hand back. “Whatever you'd like, Kittycat."

Kenma grows pinker at the new nickname but doesn't correct him. He is looking down when he answers, "Anything that you can make here is fine. You don't need to go back out again."

 

"I can make okonomiyaki?"

 

Kenma looks back up to Bokuto and smiles, making the gang leader's face light up. "That sounds great."

Bokuto kisses his head lightly, just a featherlight touch that Kenma is almost sure he imagined. Bokuto gets up and heads towards the kitchen. That's when Kenma realizes that he would be finished with the project by late tonight. He isn't sure how to feel about that.

 

He decides to stop working until dinner, his excuse being that he wants to do a good job and not work on an empty stomach, not just him wanting to stay longer. He gets up and wanders about the living room, looking at the pictures and objects just sitting around the room.

 

There's surprisingly little. For as much of an exuberant person as Bokuto is, the room itself has almost no personality. There's the bar set up on the far end of the room, meticulously arranged with bottles and glasses; Akaashi's doing, Kenma is sure. The couch is free of spots and is facing the large flat screen on the wall. Even the magazines on the coffee table look untouched. It's just one more thing in this place that makes Kenma uncomfortable.

Kenma starts rubbing his arms in an attempt to ease himself. He's inspecting a vase in the corner when Bokuto comes out of the kitchen, about to tell Kenma that dinner is ready, but before he does, he is caught off guard by the fact that Kenma is up. 

"What are you looking at?"

 

"Nothing." Kenma replies softly, because what else could he say? He turns to find Bokuto looking uneasy in the doorway. "Are you alright, Koutarou?"

 

Bokuto flinches back a bit, "Oh, yeah. I'm fine." Bokuto looks around back and forth across the room. Finally, he glances back up at Kenma, "Dinner is ready."

 

A red flag goes up for Kenma. That was distrustful body language. He nods slowly, "Okay", and makes his way over to Bokuto, staying out of touching distance.

 

Bokuto frowns a bit, internally cursing himself. As soon as Kenma lets him get closer, he goes and messes things up. With a sigh, he puts the food out on a small table and motions Kenma to take a seat.

Kenma is telling himself to stop shutting down every time he thinks Bokuto is hiding something. That's just hypocritical. They're part of different gangs; of course they're both hiding something. But he can't think of a way to fix this, so he just mutters a quiet, 

"Thank you for the meal."

Bokuto whispers back a quiet, "Of course," before they start to eat in relative silence, only the sound of their chopsticks on bowls filling the air. Bokuto can't help but keep thinking that it's his fault, that he must have offended Kenma in some way. Kenma is watching him frown more and more and as he slowly stops eating.

"Koutarou." he forces out the words, "Tell me what's wrong. Please."

Bokuto looks down but answers anyway, "I messed up again didn't I?"

"No," Kenma says quietly. He looks up through his hair. "but you're hiding something. You're uncomfortable with me looking through the house. Why?"

Bokuto looks shocked for a second before his face evens out. "I...I keep thinking you're going to find something that makes you want to leave. Something that's going to make you hate me. I'm trying to keep my job away from you. Ironic, isn't it?"

Kenma shrugs and picks at his plate. "You're not going to scare me away, you know...I've done some pretty terrible things too."

Bokuto snorts, "I’m sure it's nothing compared to what I've done. What I've allowed."

"46." Bokuto tilts his head and Kenma tightens his grip on his chopsticks. The words bubble up his throat like bile. "The number of people who have lost their lives due to my work."

A minute passes by slowly. It’s so quiet that Kenma is startled when Bokuto states he's not hungry anymore and gets up from the table, leaving the room to go upstairs. Kenma calls after him. Bokuto doesn’t even turn around.

Kenma stays seated for a while longer. Bokuto doesn't come back down, and Kenma doesn't go up. He cleans their plates in the sink, stacks the dishes into a neat pile. It’s less work for Akaashi, and something to keep his hands busy. He gets back to work and only looks back up when Bokuto stumbles down the stairs.

Bokuto doesn't acknowledge Kenma until he gets back to the couch and picks up his phone. When he sees Kenma looking at him he just shrugs, answering an unasked question.

"I should check in with Akaashi. How's the computer?" 

Kenma is slow to respond, he can tell that Bokuto has been drinking again. The dyed blond looks back down at the screen. He can smell bourbon on Bokuto's breath, even from this distance. 

"It's finishing up a scan. I'll be out of your hair in under three hours."

Bokuto's face falls, "That should be good for you then." 

Bokuto plays with his phone in his hands for a short moment before turning away from Kenma. For a reason Kenma can’t explain, the avoidance pisses him off. He's feeling passive aggressive when Bokuto stands. 

"Where are you going?" Kenma mumbles, "Are you going to drink until you can't feel anymore?"

Bokuto barely hears him but freezes when he processes his words. He whips back around at a speed that's a bit shocking to Kenma. When he speaks, his voice is icy, just an ominous shadow of the ruthless gang leader he truly is. 

"You know, it's better than feeling like shit. I'm not sure if you would know, though."

"What would you know?" Kenma snaps back, "Do you have any idea who, or what, I was before Nekoma?"

Bokuto stops short a bit but his anger is still there in the way he folds his arms over his chest. "Oh, please, enlighten me."

In a moment of pure rage, Kenma pulls his t shirt over his head. He throws out an arm close to Bokuto's face. It's close enough for Bokuto to see the pin prick like scars that litter the inside of Kenma's chest and upper arm, little tracks of scarred skin in varying shades of pink trailed down to the crook of his elbow.

"These," Kenma says, almost in a whisper, "are track marks. Before Kuroo found me, there wasn't a drug I hadn't put in my veins. So trust me. I know."

Bokuto felt all of the air leave his lungs. He started to reach out to touch Kenma's arm but lets his hand drop, knowing he probably lost all touching privileges. He’s looking at Kenma with sad golden eyes while the younger man puts his shirt back on. 

Bokuto tries to ask softly, "Why did...? Kenma?"

Kenma isn't looking at him. "There were a lot of things in my childhood I didn't want to remember. I didn't know how to handle them. So I didn't. I used to the point where I wasn't even using to get high, because I couldn't anymore. I needed it just to make me feel normal."

Bokuto deflates onto the couch and rest his elbows on his knees, head in his hands. Kenma is still standing, watching Bokuto from the corner of his eyes. It's a while before Bokuto whispers, "I'm so sorry."

"I'm...sorry too. I shouldn't have snapped at you like that..." Kenma sinks on the couch next to him. "Can I ask you something, Koutarou?"

Bokuto picks his head up and looks over at Kenma, "Please."

"Can I...hug you?" The words feel strange coming from his mouth. He's spent so long avoiding the touch of others that it feels wrong to initiate it.

Bokuto sits up straight and stares at Kenma, "Really? I mean yes, yes you can. Are you sure?"

"Yeah." Kenma says. He’s blushing, and only part of it is left over from his outburst. "I want...I want to trust you."

Bokuto turns to Kenma and picks him up, settling him easily on his lap, like moving a doll. He wraps his arms around Kenma's back and with one of his hands, he pushes Kenma's head onto his chest. 

"I want you to trust me too. I want to earn your trust."

Kenma wraps his arms tightly around Bokuto, ignoring the smell of bourbon. His heart is racing with the anxiety of being this close to someone else, but he forces himself to breathe deeply. 

"If you need another drink, I’m not going to stop you. I have no right to tell you how to handle things." He mumbles into the defined chest. 

Bokuto sighs, "I don’t know another way to handle things."

"Do whatever you think you need to." Kenma shrugs as best he can in Bokuto's arms. Bokuto presses his cheek to the top of Kenma's head. 

He asks quietly, "What helped you stop using?"

Kenma is quiet for a moment. It's not the worst part of his past, but it's still hard to talk about. 

"Kuroo...I..." Kenma squeezes his eyes closed, "I OD'd. But Kuroo brought me back. He was so angry...I've never seen him so angry. He made me promise to stop, and never let me out of his sight. I guess...I stopped because I didn't want to disappoint him anymore."

Bokuto raises his head to kiss the top of Kenma's head. "I had no idea. I'm so sorry."

Kenma laughs nervously. sharing so much makes him a little anxious. "It's fine. Let's talk about something else."

"Ah, okay, sure. No problem. Um. What do you have in mind?"

Kenma sits back and looks at Bokuto. The anxiety in his gut is building again, but he calms himself with a hand through Bokuto's wild hair. 

"Let me try something...?"

Bokuto’s eyes are wide and curious as he leans into Kenma's touch, his hands falling to the faux blond's waist. "Of course."

Kenma steels his resolve and leans in to press their lips together.

Bokuto goes still with shock, and before he can even respond Kenma is leaning back. The hacker stutters a bit, "I, I'm sorry, I thought.." 

He’s cut off by Bokuto's hands cupping his face. Bokuto whispers, "Again" before leaning back in.

Kissing isn't bad, Kenma thinks. In fact, he likes it. He feels warm and the slide of Bokuto's lips against his own makes his head feel fuzzy in the best way. One of Bokuto's hands moves to tangle itself in Kenma's hair, bringing him even closer. Kenma grips onto Bokuto's shirt as his face flushes. Bokuto breaks away when he hears Kenma make a small noise, reminding himself that he needs to go slow.

Kenma is shaking and blushing because this is almost too much. At the same time, he doesn't want to stop. Bokuto is warm and comforting and Kenma wraps his legs around the older man's waist. The hand that's not in Kenma's hair comes down to his thigh, running back and forth from Kenma's waist to knee. 

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay." He kisses him again, tasting the bitterness of the bourbon and somehow not hating it. "This is nice."

Bokuto smiles brightly at him. He's still not entirely sure of how much Kenma is willing to do, so he continues to kiss him slowly, the hand on his thigh moving under Kenma's shirt and running along his back.

Kenma doesn't know if he should tell Bokuto to stop. It feels good, but he can feel a panic attack brewing under the electric warmth of Bokuto's hands. Bokuto nibbles on his bottom lip, and he makes an involuntary gasp. Bokuto brushes his lips along Kenma's neck and latches onto the spot under his ear. Bokuto has having a hard time keeping his hips still. 

"You have to talk to me, Kenma."

The hacker tilts his head to give the other more access. "Don't stop."

Bokuto takes both of his hands and put them on the small of Kenma's back. He brings Kenma closer so their chests are touching. Bokuto continues to leave marks down the other's neck, and Kenma is trying to keep quiet, just letting out little gasps and whines. He buries his face into Bokuto's neck and rocks his hips tentatively. Immediately, Bokuto moans loudly in Kenma's ear. His hands go down to Kenma's waist to hold him still. The blond whines, but soon Bokuto is speaking in his ear, 

"Are you sure you want to keep going? I'll only do as much as you'll let me."

Kenma doesn't let himself think, he just sinks his teeth into Bokuto's neck and rolls his hips against the hold. "I said don't stop."

Bokuto throws his head back against the couch before letting out another moan. Instead of keeping hold on Kenma, he now uses his hands to bring their hips together in a slow rhythm. 

Kenma uses Bokuto's shoulders for leverage to move faster. He's quickly coming undone and his breaths are coming out in little moans. He can hear bokuto sighing out his name over and over. His head falls forward so their foreheads touch, and Bokuto reaches up to kiss him lightly. 

Kenma moans into the kiss, his hips stuttering as he comes in his underwear. Bokuto lets him ride it out before forcing him to stop. Embarrassment floods over Kenma. He hadn't meant for that to happen. 

"Sorry," he breathes out, still panting.

Bokuto smiles and brushes Kenma's bangs out of his face. He kisses the corner of mouth. "It's alright. It's natural." _And fucking hot_. But he doesn’t say that. 

Kenma shifts and is suddenly struck with the realization that Bokuto is still hard. Slowly, he climbs out of his lap and sits back on his heels on the floor, leaning in close and looking up at Bokuto through his lashes. 

"Do you want me to?"

Bokuto's face goes completely red. He knows what Kenma means. Of course he does. He’s been sexually active since he was 15, for fuck’s sake. Yet, he still blushes like a virgin. 

"I...I...you don't have to." He takes a hand and rubs it over his face, peeks at Kenma between his fingers. "I mean...if you want to...you can."

Kenma takes that as a yes and flicks open the button of Bokuto's slacks. The bulge underneath is larger than Kenma had thought but he doesn't let it phase him. It's not like he's never done this before.

Kenma runs his fingers along the hem of Bokuto's boxers. He pulls them down enough that Bokuto's cock comes out without much fuss. The hacker looks up through hooded eyes and sees Bokuto looking down at him, breathing ragged. Kenma presses his nose to the base and licks up the bottom, tracing the vein with his tongue. Bokuto is still watching him and the look in his eyes is enough to rekindle the flame in Kenma's gut.

Kenma sucks on his tip, which makes Bokuto moan, much louder than Kenma had expected. Bokuto runs his fingers through the blond hair and puts some pressure on his head, as if telling him to take more in. Kenma obliges and opens his throat, taking as much as he can in one go and setting a sloppy pace.

Bokuto's other hand joins in Kenma's hair as he rubs his fingertips on the top of Kenma's neck. He watches Kenma's reaction with fascination the entire time, loving how into this Kenma is getting. 

Bokuto is surprisingly quiet but for gruff moans and breathy versions of Kenma's name. Kenma has most of his cock down his throat now, the bit he can't take in is occupying his right hand, stoking in tandem with the bobbing of his head.

Bokuto's not sure how much longer he's going to last, and he's not that sorry when he pushes Kenma's head down more. Kenma lets him, trying to accommodate as much as he can. The blond sucks noisily, bringing his free hand up to roll Bokuto's balls in his palm, nearly choking when Bokuto arches into him. 

"Ke-Kenma, I...I'm going to come."

Kenma pulls off, but doesn't stop moving his hand. Bokuto looks almost panicked so Kenma says, "On my face. Go ahead."

Bokuto gives him a look like he's crazy, but he's too caught up in the feeling to second guess him. All it takes is a couple more strokes before Bokuto groans out Kenma's name and comes. As much as he wants to see Bokuto's face, Kenma isn't keen on getting cum in his eyes, so he closes them. He works Bokuto through it, only stopping when the hand goes slack in his hair.

Bokuto looks down and looks at Kenma, eyes closed and face covered in come, he can’t help but feel a bit satisfied. Kenma hasn't moved so Bokuto lets out a quiet, 

"Kenma?"

Kenma's anxiety is steadily rising. What did he just do? What happens now? Is this going to change everything? What if Bokuto thinks differently of him now? _What if this was all he wanted in the first place?_ Kenma stands and quickly runs up the stairs and into the bathroom, not bothering to close the door behind him.

"Wait! Kenma!" Bokuto yells after him. 

Kenma doesn’t stop. 

When Bokuto catches up to him, Kenma is scrubbing his face in the sink, the water so hot it burns but he doesn't care. He had to go back to normal as soon as possible. 

Bokuto runs in on him and stops at the doorway. He's not sure of what he should say but he feels that it's probably better saying something than saying nothing. "Kenma? Are you okay? Is something wrong?"

"I'm fine." He calls back. It's the biggest lie he's told in a while. But he doesn't want to explain why he's like this. Telling him about the drugs was one thing, but telling him _this_ , Kenma wanted to vomit just thinking about it.

"Oh, okay..." Bokuto comes in and starts running his hand in circles on Kenma's back. "Do...you need to be alone?"

Kenma shakes his head, his expression hidden by his hair. His grip on the sink is turning his knuckles white. He's afraid to look at Bokuto. 

"Are you angry with me?"

Bokuto's expression is pure shock. "What? No, no, not at all." He reaches out and turns Kenma's head to face him. "I'm not angry with you. Why would you think that?"

Kenma's face is red and raw, eyes teary and evasive. "Because that was _dirty_. I'm _dirty_."

"Wait what? No, no that's not true." Bokuto holds Kenma's head in his hands, "You're not dirty. Oh, Kenma." He’s beginning to understand what this was about, if only just barely. 

Bokuto brings Kenma forward and wraps his arms around him. Kenma doesn't have the strength to push him away. He's just tired and angry. Mostly at himself, for being this way, for being so broken and unstable and so generally fucked up that he can't even express affection like a normal human being. He just leans his forehead on Bokuto's chest and inhales deep breaths of bourbon and spices and Bokuto's hair gel.

Bokuto rests his chin on the top of Kenma's head and starts rubbing his back, "Do you need me to do anything? Call Kuroo? Yaku?"

"No. Just stay."

"Of course." Bokuto kisses the top of Kenma's head again, like it’s the only thing he could do for him, "Of course."

"I'm sorry." Kenma whispers, caught somewhere between clinging to the other and wanting to distance himself.

"You don't need to apologize. For anything." He takes Kenma by the hands and leads him towards the toilet. Bokuto closes the lid and sits down, bringing Kenma with him to sit on his lap and pulls him back into his chest. 

Kenma slumps into him, his mouth tastes like Bokuto’s precome and his underwear is a weird crusty/slimy texture, but he doesn't move. It's comforting to be held like this. Like he’s being cared for.

Bokuto makes sure he's holding Kenma as close as he can, hands running up and down his back and left thigh, rocking them back and forth gently. Kenma wants to apologize again, but he knows Bokuto will hush him. So, he settles for a different kind of reassurance,

"Do you still like me?"

Bokuto looks down at him, concern on his face. He's kind of relieved Kenma can't see him. From personal experience, he knows what it’s like to have this type of doubt. 

"Yes.” He answers clearly, “I still love you."

Kenma goes still in his arms. Love? That was new. And terrifying, _oh god_.

Bokuto immediately notices Kenma tense up and continues. "Kenma, I didn't mean to freak you out. I just want you to know that I will always be here. And I will always like you, even love you, but I don't want you to be pressured by it. Take your time, and be honest."

Kenma swallows the lump in his throat. "There are things about my past...I don’t think you would like me anymore if you knew."

"Trust me, I understand. Whatever you did, or whoever you were in the past, is in the past. It's not who you are now."

“Koutarou?" Bokuto hums in response and Kenma speaks up a bit, "You're a better person than you give yourself credit for."

Bokuto gets a bit teary-eyed at the compliment but accepts it nonetheless. He kisses the top of Kenma's head. "Thank you. And so are you."

Kenma is beginning to calm down and places a kiss on Bokuto's throat. 

"Koutarou, take me to bed." He demands quietly.

"Of course." He picks Kenma up and walks into the guest room where Kenma had set his things. He sets him down on the bed and goes through Kenma's bag for a new shirt and underwear. 

"Let's get you into something more comfortable first."

Kenma strips down and makes himself comfortable under the blanket. Bokuto turns around with the clothes and is surprised to see his guest already snuggled in the bed.

"Oh, okay, that's comfortable too." Bokuto looks down at himself awkwardly. "Should I change first or should I join you?"

"Come here, Koutarou."

Bokuto blushes and strips down, trying to avoid eye contact, feeling abnormally shy. He soon slides into the bed next to Kenma, and the other latches onto him immediately, hands sliding up the expanse of Bokuto's biceps and his leg hooking around Bokuto's knee. The Fukurodani member pulls Kenma close to him and rests the blond head against his shoulder. 

"Are you comfortable?"

"Very." Kenma snuggles into Bokuto's chest. "Thank you for everything. I...really appreciate it."

Bokuto hums contently, "Anything you need, I'll be there."

Kenma doesn't say anything else, too exhausted to respond. He lets himself be lulled to sleep by the sound of Bokuto's steady heartbeat. A few quiet moments later, Bokuto looks down to ask Kenma something when he notices that he's asleep. So, he just smiles down at him and kisses the top of his head as a good night and decides to follow suit.

This time when Kenma wakes up to a weight on his side he doesn't panic at all. Bokuto, always the early riser, is already awake and stroking Kenma's hair.

"Good morning, Kittycat." Bokuto is smiling down at him like he's the most precious person. It makes Kenma’s heart swell. He slots their legs together more comfortably, his hand coming to rest on the deep v of Bokuto's hip. 

"Morning."

Bokuto leans down and kisses Kenma on his forehead, "How did you sleep?"

"Good." He mumbles back. Bokuto's skin is warm against his and he can't decide whether that should wake him up or lull him back to sleep.

Bokuto starts running his fingers along Kenma's stomach, "Is there anything you want for breakfast?"

Kenma arches into the touch, suddenly feeling much more awake. He throws a leg over Bokuto's hip, pressing them closer together as he tilts his head up to kiss him. 

"Food can wait."

With a look of understanding, Bokuto puts more weight on Kenma and continues kissing him slowly, leaving more kisses along his jaw and neck. Kenma lets himself revel in the affection, but continues swallowing down the little moans he wants to make.

Bokuto moves back up his neck and continues to kiss him on his cheeks, eyelids, and forehead; Every touch light and warm. Kenma tilts his head up to get Bokuto to kiss him again, sighing appreciatively when he does. Bokuto kisses him for a while more, then pulls back. He runs his nose along Kenma's jaw in a silly but affectionate gesture. 

"I'm really happy you're here. I'm sorry if I hurt you before, but I'm happy."

"You didn't hurt me." Kenma says quickly. He runs his fingers along Bokuto's side mindlessly, "You're the only one who didn't push me away after I..." He trails off.

Bokuto takes one of his hands and places it on Kenma's cheek, "Kenma. You did nothing wrong. I wouldn't push you away."

Kenma avoids his eyes, "Koutarou...I want to tell you about my past, but...is that okay?"

Bokuto brushes some hair out of his face, golden eyes focused intently on Kenma’s. "I'll listen to whatever you want to tell me."

"You have to promise," Kenma wraps himself tighter around Bokuto’s broad frame, "that you won't hate me. Because it's bad. It's really bad."

"I stand by what I said before. Your past is the past, not who you are now. I won't hate you."

So Kenma tells him. He tells him how his mother dressed him in frilly pink clothes, let her boyfriends and other men he didn't know come into his room, how they used and abused him, how it pushed him into taking the pills in his mother's purse, and then some. He's shaking by the end of it, the insistent fear that Bokuto will hate him now still nagging at the back of his mind.

Bokuto tries to keep his face even the entire time, but it was hard. He doesn’t want to scare Kenma off, but if anything besides sadness, the other thing he felt was rage; not at Kenma but at everyone who had hurt him. He held Kenma closer to him and rubbed his back. 

"Kenma, I'm so sorry that happened to you."

"I'm trusting you with this," Kenma says, as if it's not obvious. "You're the only person besides Kuro who knows."

"You can trust me. So, I guess just trust me. I won't tell anyone." 

Bokuto kisses whatever skin he can find, and Kenma leans into it. Bokuto didn’t push him away. Bokuto didn’t hate him now. His mouth splits into a grin, but he quickly schools it back into a flat line.

He pushes Bokuto onto his back lightly, straddles his waist and looks down at him with sharp eyes. "I'm going to trust you."

Bokuto looks up at him a bit dazed. His hands go automatically to Kenma's waist. "You won't regret it."

Kenma nods and dips down to catch Bokuto's lips again, dragging his hands lazily over his well defined chest. Bokuto's hands move across Kenma's back, one hand coming up enough to cup the back of Kenma's head. Kenma lets his hand trail down Bokuto's stomach, over the thin trail of hair that leads to the older man’s thick cock, lying flaccid on his heavy sack. 

"Do you want to have sex?" He asks casually.

Bokuto flushes some and sits up, holding Kenma up with his hands on his back. He kisses Kenma's cheek. "Only if you are feeling up to it. And you have to try to stay with me. Focus on me here, with you."

Kenma nods and runs a hand through Bokuto's messy hair. "Don't let me close my eyes."

"Okay." Bokuto closes the space between them and brings Kenma down with him. He rolls them over so Kenma is on his back, and they keep kissing until Bokuto freezes. He separates them and looks down at Kenma sheepishly. 

"I'll be right back. Condoms and lube are important." He gives Kenma a quick peck and runs out to his room.

For a very brief, anxiety ridden moment, Kenma thinks he isn't coming back. But then he does. Bokuto comes back in the room with a half empty bottle of lube and an opened box of condoms, a grin on his face that sets Kenma immediately at ease. He sets everything on the other side of the bed and crawls back into the bed over Kenma. He settles between Kenma's legs and leans back down to kiss him.

Kenma hooks a knee around Bokuto's middle, grinding his half hard cock against Bokuto's muscled thigh. The gang leader presses himself closer to Kenma, so that their chests are touching. He moves a bit up to cups his hands over Kenma's chest, rubbing his thumbs over his nipples. The hacker shudders and grinds a bit harder.

"Koutarou, keep going."

Bokuto comes back and keeps his face in line with Kenma's. He starts peppering kisses all over Kenma's face as he continues rubbing and pinching his sensitive nipples. Kenma drops a hand in between them to stroke Bokuto slowly, keeping eye contact with dilated pupils. Bokuto's head drops and rests against Kenma's forehead as he lets out a loud moan. He kisses Kenma again before leaning up slightly, 

"Do you want me to start?"

Kenma hesitates, sees the gentle look in Bokuto's eyes under the glazed over lust, and nods slowly.

"Okay." 

Bokuto leaves kisses along Kenma's chest as he backs up to kneel. He grabs the lube and condoms and settles back down. He opens the bottle and looks at Kenma, "Talk to me while I do this."

"Um. Okay...about what?”

"What?" Bokuto smiles, "No, I meant, tell me how you feel, if you’re comfortable, if i'm hurting you."

"Oh." Kenma blushes prettily. "I'll tell you. Just start slow. It's, um, been awhile."

"Of course." Bokuto opens up the bottle of lube and puts some on this fingers. He takes one and lines it up to Kenma's hole. "I'm starting, remember to breathe." 

Kenma gives him a nod before Bokuto slowly pushes in his finger. The intrusion makes him suck in a breath, but otherwise he stays quiet until Bokuto is working his finger in fully, Kenma's hips starting to rock into the rhythm. 

"Koutarou, another."

Bokuto only nods before adding another finger. He makes sure to follow a slow pace at first, but as he watches Kenma's body react, he begins to move faster. He crooks his fingers just right and the blond arches off the bed, precome starting to pool at his navel. 

"Koutarou," Kenma whines again, "hurry."

Bokuto adds in a third finger, pausing only briefly to drizzle more lube onto his fingers, and keeps the fast pace. He kisses around Kenma's thighs to try to calm him, though it does little but spur on Kenma’s arousal. He soon feels Kenma is ready and pulls his fingers out to roll on a condom. 

"Are you ready?"

Kenma is blinking back tears as he looks up at him, and his voice is a bit choked when he speaks, "Yeah."

Bokuto notices and processes it as nervousness. He leans forward and kisses Kenma softly, until he can feel him relax more. 

"Okay." 

Bokuto leans back and puts some extra lube on himself before lining back up. The last thing he wants to do is hurt Kenma. He slowly pushes in, keeping his eyes trained on the faux blond's face. 

Kenma takes deep breaths through his nose, trying to stay relaxed and not clench up. But Bokuto is big and the stretch burns despite the prep, so he pulls one of his knees to his chest to give Bokuto more room. The larger man leans forward and starts to suck on one of Kenma's nipples, rolling his tongue over the bud, trying to distract and relax him at the same time. At the same time he moves slowly in and out of Kenma’s tight ass.

Kenma is breathing harshly, whispering “Koutarou,” like a prayer. It's so good, and he feels so full he could cry. His fingernails leave red marks over Bokuto's biceps and he cants his hips irregularly. Bokuto leans back up to watch Kenma as he comes undone. He starts to put more speed into his thrusts, watching Kenma’s jaw clench.

The younger's eyes slam closed as he throws his head back, his legs shaking. The sounds he's making are like echoes in his own ears. Bokuto doesn't slow down when he leans forward to kiss Kenma's cheek. 

"Kenma, look at me. You have to look at me."

Kenma cracks his eyes open enough to lock with Bokuto's, "'m good, don't stop, don't stop."

He brings a hand to Bokuto's hair and slots their mouths together in a kiss Kenma can barely lead. Bokuto kisses him back and thrusts a bit faster and harder. He soon lets go of the kiss and rests his forehead in the junction of Kenma's neck. He can barely keep his own moans in.

"Koutarou, Koutarou wait a second."

Bokuto looks up, confused, but stops anyway. He's not sure if he should pull out or not, but he chooses to just stay still inside. "What's wrong?"

Kenma makes a face as he readjusts, pushing Bokuto away far enough that he can throw both legs over his shoulders, "My back hurts." He explains, a bit out of breath. "Keep going."

Bokuto lets out a strong laugh, "Sounds good to me." 

He leans forward and starts thrusting back into Kenma with the same speed and power he had before. His hands stay on Kenma's legs, making sure they stay up.The new angle nearly makes Kenma's eyes roll back in his head and he bites the back of his hand to keep from crying out. Bokuto takes ahold of Kenma's small hand and keeps it while he continues to thrust. 

"Let me hear you."

" _Haah_ , it's embar'ssing!"

"You don't need to feel embarrassed around me." He rubs his hand along Kenma's thigh, "I want to hear how good you feel."

Kenma blushes, his eyes scrunching up in the corners. He's about to be snarky back, but Bokuto hitches his hips up just a bit more and Kenma keens loudly in his ear. Bokuto practically shines down at him. 

He loves the sounds that Kenma is making under him. He can feel Kenma getting closer so he takes his cock in his hands and starts to stroke him off. Kenma couldn't hold back the noises now if he tried. Bokuto's hand is tight around his cock and he’s being fucked just right. It only takes another few strokes for Kenma to spill over Bokuto's hand with a loud moan. 

His walls tighten around Bokuto’s length, which makes him almost fall forward in pleasure. The white haired man keeps thrusting until he follows Kenma and comes into the condom with a stutter of his hips.

Kenma blinks a few times when Bokuto stops, coming down from his high and trying to evaluate his emotions. He's okay, he thinks. But he doesn't look at Bokuto. He can’t yet.

Bokuto separates himself from Kenma and puts his partner’s legs back on the bed. He leans forward and kisses Kenma's jaw. 

"How do you feel?"

"Fine. I think." Kenma's eyes are clouded, but he smiles and leans up for a kiss. He’s mostly in his right mind now, and he still hasn’t burst into tears, so he supposes he’s as good as he can get. Bokuto kisses him back, happily. 

"I'm glad. I'm going to get us cleaned up. I'll be right back." 

He gets up and goes into the closest bathroom, throwing the condom in the trashcan and grabbing a towel before coming back into the room. Kenma is watching him from the bed with a little smile, now taking up most of the mattress. He's unabashedly nude and his legs are still wide open, lube and sweat making them glisten. 

Bokuto feels his breath catch in his throat. This image would be burned into his mind for as long as he stayed breathing.

He blushes as he gets closer to Kenma and crawls up to him and starts cleaning him off. "You look happy."

Kenma bumps his nose against Bokuto's. 

"I am." he says, and finds that he actually means it. Bokuto beams down at kenma. He doesn't say anything else, just continues to clean them off. Once he's done he sits back and looks at the man under him. 

"So, how about that breakfast?"

Kenma's stomach growls as if on cue and he blushes, "I want crepes."

Bokuto laughs, "You're going to have to put on pants for that."

Kenma makes a face, but sits up, kissing Bokuto again. It was strange, how he had gone from _don't touch me_ to _don't stop touching me_ in the span of a few days. Maybe he was desperate for physical affection, maybe Bokuto's magnetism was just that strong. Whatever it was, Kenma didn't mind. 

"There are things that must be sacrificed for apple crepes."

Bokuto brushes some of Kenma's hair behind his ear. "Agreed. I'll go get dressed and meet you back in here, real quick."

"Okay." Kenma says and goes in search for his own clothes. While he waits for Bokuto to fix the rat's nest his hair had become, he texts Kuroo.

**To: Kuro 08:12  
So, I might have to skip the league raid.**

Kuroo replies faster than Kenma had anticipated. 

**From: Kuro 08:15  
why? are you okay?**

Kenma snorts at the text. Kuroo is such a mom.

**To: Kuro 08:15  
I can't feel my ass, but I'll live. Probably.**

**From: Kuro 08:16  
wait what? kenma what happened?**

Kenma figures Kuroo will find out one way or another.

**To: Kuro 08:17  
We had sex. I didn't cry.**

**From: Kuro 08:19  
wow. that's great. how do you feel now?**

**To: Kuro 08:19  
Hungry. He's taking me for crepes.**

**From: Kuro 08:20  
oh okay. have fun. I'm happy for you.**

Kenma slides his phone in his pocket and wanders out of the room. There’s a slight sting in his hips, but he ignores it. He finds Bokuto in his room, jeans on but shirt unbuttoned, on his phone.

Kenma stands in the doorway, not sure if he should interrupt. It sounds like the phone call is important so he just stands there and waits. But Bokuto sees him and brightens, even if his voice remains businesslike,

"No, I'll take care of it. But I need you to hold it down until at least this afternoon...Akaashi! Please? I have a date!" His voice turns whiny towards the end, and Kenma can practically see Akaashi sighing, but he knows he'll do it. Kenma decides it's safe to come in and he sits on the bed, waiting for Bokuto to finish.

Bokuto brushes his hand over Kenma's knee, much like he did that first night. "Yes, with Kenma, who else?...Akaashi, I owe you one!" Bokuto hangs up and grins at Kenma. 

"Hey, Kittycat."

Kenma gives a small smile back, "Hello. Should I ask what that was about?"

Bokuto grins. "Akaashi's got it, don't worry. Now, I believe we have a crepe stand to pillage."

Kenma reaches up to button Bokuto's shirt. Once he's done, he gives Bokuto a light kiss. "I'm ready when you are."

Bokuto is a bit speechless at how domestic that was, but it makes him really happy so he wraps his arms around Kenma's waist just to feel the solid weight of Kenma leaning into him. He can’t help the grin that takes over his face. 

"Our adventure awaits."

**Author's Note:**

> Scream at me about this au and other rarepair stuff [on tumblr](http://crackpairingprincess.tumblr.com/)


End file.
